Do you know —
You are not alone?
Consciousness itself could never be what it is without the unique expression of you, just as you are?
This week, two friends have taken their own lives. I am painfully aware of all those whose lives they touched and the suffering which affects us all as a community. Yes, life does go on, yet these tragic, unexpected losses cast harsh shadows and life dims without the presence of their light.
I relate on many levels. I, too, have suffered through periods of suicidal depression and social anxiety. In high school, I used to cut myself just to feel a sense of control over the pain I felt so deeply. For much of my life, whether I was by myself or in a crowd, I felt all alone and thought that people only wanted what I could do for them, yet didn’t accept me for who I was. One way I would cope was to continually tell the personal stories of past memories and future projections, always trying to connect with that egoic character I called mySelf – that one version of me who wanted to help others, yet kept feeling hurt. From my view, no matter how much time, money and love I offered others, it was never reflected back to me in the same frequency or without strings attached.
I am now happy to say I failed at multiple attempts of suicide. I have since given up those old patterns of being, surrendered my self-pity, shifted my conditional perceptions; I proudly wear a semi-colon tattoo on my ring finger for all to see. Since then, I have studied, trained and consistently practice mastering my mind and my heart and consciously choose awareness, gratitude and presence, moment by moment. I am aware that the more I authentically value my own life and the lives of those around me, the more I offer higher frequencies of intentionality as a human here on earth.
This work however is never “done” – living, loving and being is an ongoing practice, commitment and journey of evolution. Even as the Sun goes down, it means the Moon can shine.
Each one of us has a part to contribute to the whole of this life. The more we give COMPASSion to ourselves, the better we can practice and model intentional direction, pursuing our own personal and beautiful journey of being; reflecting the love we ourselves wish to receive, from the inside out.