Consciousness, Time, and the Art of Returning

How the Subconscious Runs Faster Than Awareness and the Superconscious Brings Us Home

There was a long time in my life when I believed I was present
and yet my body kept proving otherwise.

I could sit in a room, look someone in the eyes, speak calmly, even offer guidance…
and still feel a tightening in my chest, a readiness to defend, a subtle urgency to control outcomes.

Nothing was happening in the moment.
And yet everything was happening inside me.

That contradiction became one of my greatest teachers.

It led me to a deeper inquiry:
Can we actually be conscious outside of the moment?
And if not why does it feel like we are?

Consciousness Only Happens Now

From both lived experience and neuroscience, one truth becomes unavoidable:

Conscious awareness only exists in the present moment.

When we remember the past or imagine the future, we are not leaving the present we are having a present-moment experience of stored or projected information.

The body doesn’t time travel.
The nervous system doesn’t distinguish memory from immediacy.
It only knows now.

This is why a memory can make the heart race.
Why a future fear can constrict the gut.
Why an old story can hijack a perfectly safe moment.

The experience feels real because, biologically, it is, right now.

How the Subconscious Moves Faster Than Awareness

Modern research in cognition and perception continues to echo what many traditions have always pointed toward:

Before we consciously “decide,” the nervous system has often already:

• Shifted attention
• Interpreted meaning
• Signaled emotion
• Prepared a response

This isn’t a flaw.
It’s survival.

The subconscious is pattern-based, emotion-encoded, and efficiency-driven.
Its job is to predict and protect not necessarily to tell the whole truth.

And this is where the illusion begins.

The Subconscious Trick: Familiarity Masquerading as Presence

Here’s the subtle deception:

When something feels familiar, the mind relaxes.
When the mind relaxes, awareness often fades.
And when awareness fades, habit takes the wheel.

We think we are present because:

• We are calm
• We are functional
• We are not actively distressed

But calm is not consciousness.
Familiarity is not presence.
And function is not freedom.

I lived this for years.

I had done the work healing the trauma for decades.
Learned the languages.
Built the consistent practices.

And still under pressure I noticed old tones in my voice, old relational strategies, old internal negotiations resurfacing before I could “catch” them.

Not because I was failing.
But because the subconscious is fast.

Ancient Wisdom Already Knew This

Long before brain imaging, ancient philosophies mapped this terrain with precision.

• Buddhist teachings describe conditioned impressions that shape perception and reaction often long before we realize we’re inside them.
• Stoic philosophy warned that we are disturbed not by events, but by the automatic judgments we apply to them.
• Indigenous wisdom traditions have long understood memory as something stored not only in the mind, but in the body, the land, and the lineage.

Across cultures, the message is consistent:

The danger is not unconsciousness.
The danger is believing we are conscious when we are not.

The Superconscious: Where Free Will Actually Lives

Free will is often misunderstood as control.

In my experience, free will lives beyond speed.

The subconscious may be faster than conscious awareness, but the superconscious is wider.

This is the observing awareness that can notice:

• Thought arising
• Emotion activating
• Memory influencing
• Fear projecting

Without immediately obeying any of it.

This isn’t dissociation.
It’s integration.

The superconscious doesn’t stop the past from appearing.
It changes our relationship to it.

Remembering Without Reliving

For years, I tried to “clear” the past that blocked me from living, now.

What finally brought healing wasn’t erasing memory it was meeting memory with presence and curiosity.

When awareness is brought to a past experience without identification, something shifts:

• The memory remains
• The charge dissolves
• The body learns it survived

This is the difference between trauma and integration.

Trauma is memory without presence.
Healing is memory held in presence.

Returning Without Regression

We don’t go back to the past.

We return awareness to where it was missing.

Each time we notice:

• “I’m reacting, not responding.”
• “This feels old.”
• “My body is ahead of the moment.”

We are exercising real free will.

Not by forcing change
but by re-entering relationship with ourselves.

This return is the practice.
Again.
And again.
And again.

Reconciling Fear of the Past and Future

Fear survives when time is fragmented:

• The past unresolved
• The future imagined without trust
• The present bypassed

The superconscious reunites time by remembering:

I survived then.
I am here now.
I can respond next.

When time is integrated, fear loses authority.

The Unified Truth

Science explains the mechanics.
Ancient wisdom reveals the meaning.
Personal experience becomes the path.

• The subconscious stores experience
• Consciousness experiences now
• The superconscious chooses relationship

Presence isn’t about staying alert forever.

It’s about remembering to return with compassion, humility, and honesty.

That return is consciousness in motion.
That motion is growth.
That growth is freedom.

And freedom was never about escaping the past
it was about finally being with it, without becoming it.

You are not broken for reacting.
You are not failing for forgetting.
You are not unconscious because patterns still arise.

You are conscious each time you notice and choose to return.

That is the art.
That is the work.
That is the becoming.

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