The Return to Soul: From Proving to Presence

Throughout the memories of my life, there was always a need to prove—
To show others who I truly was beneath the masks,
To earn love, belonging, and respect through my gifts, my grit, and my growth.

There was a push—unrelenting at times—to demonstrate my worth.
To be seen. To be understood. To be chosen.

I remember seasons where I shined brighter, not because I was more whole,
but because I was trying harder to be light in the face of my own internal darkness.
I smiled when I was unraveling.
I inspired others while secretly ignoring my own inner whispers.

But something shifted in 2018.
I surrendered everything for the life I now lead.
Not for validation. Not to prove anything.
But because I had finally begun to listen—
to the ancient voice buried beneath years of proving, pleasing, and pretending.

I walked away.

• From my family.
• From my wife.
• And in a way, from my son—
  Not out of abandonment, but out of alignment.
  A commitment to find truth, even if it meant being misunderstood.

And now, looking back, I can see…

It wasn’t the world I needed to prove myself to—
It was me.

I needed to remember who I was beneath the expectations.
I needed to trust my inner knowing, even when it cost me everything.
I needed to stop performing and start being.

The Self That Remains

There is a self I’ve come to know intimately—
The self that will sacrifice, not to earn worth, but to serve love.
The one who will give all that he has when it’s asked of him,
not to be seen as noble, but because his essence is available for the well-being of another.

This self is rooted.
Whole in isolation.
Still desirous of connection—not from lack, but from love.

Connection with humans, yes.
But also with plants, animals, waters, sky, and stone.
Connection with the Earth as a living being.
Connection with the unseen realities that dance beyond the veil.

This self doesn’t need connection to survive.
He chooses connection to thrive.

And he has learned:
True union does not come from losing oneself in another—
but by offering the fullness of oneself, freely,
to the sacred dance of co-creation.

Recovery of the Soul

I used to think healing meant becoming someone new.
Someone better. More disciplined. More evolved.
A self with better thoughts, better behaviors, more light.

But I’ve come to know that true healing isn’t becoming anything new—
It’s remembering who I already am.

Recovery isn’t about fixing what’s broken.
It’s about reintegrating what was fractured.
It’s the walk back to the soul—
not the building of another identity to hide within.

True healing isn’t evidence-based.
It’s soul-led.

It doesn’t exist in the performance of recovery,
but in the sacred act of remembering our wholeness
through both our light and our shadow.

What I once judged as bad was actually my growing edge—
My soul stretching. My beliefs unraveling.
And what I labeled as good?
That, too, was my growing edge—
An invitation to stay humble, stay present, and keep evolving.

There are no final destinations—only thresholds.
Only invitations to stay grounded.
To walk the in-between.
To evolve not by striving, but by surrendering.

The Real-Eyes of Presence

The more I practice presence,
The more I real-eyes—
Not just with mind, but with heart and spirit—
That all I thought I had to chase, prove, or perfect…
Was always within me.

All that I’ve had.
All that I am.
All that I am willed to become—
It’s not just potential.
It’s already encoded in my soul.

This is the freedom I once sought through performance.
This is the liberation I once begged from validation.
This is the response-ability I now honor—
To choose my way of being, moment by moment,
From the inside out.

Not from pressure.
Not from protection.
But from presence.

I am not the one I tried to prove.
I am the one who remembers.
And I walk now, not in search of worth,
But in devotion to truth.

Because healing isn’t becoming something new.
It’s finally being who you’ve always been.

— Chris “Yellow Owl” Albaugh